Southern Sayings....Made up

I find most southern sayings utterly ridiculous, my Mom is from South Carolina and I Have family All over the South East. B/c I find such things laughable I deceided to start making up my own "Southern Sayings, Make sure you say each of these out loud with a southern accent

1) "Snoring like a tree frog with a head cold" or alt "Snoring louder than a tree frog with a head cold"
Use in sentence "Jimmy-Bobby kept me up all night, Sum of a bitch, he was snoring louder than a tree frog with a head cold." ( note I did write Sum not Son read it out loud like a red-neck and you will understand)

2)"Hotter than a grease fire in hell" Alt " Hotter than the devils ass after Nachos."
Use in Sentence "Mary-lou was determined to have her weddin' in July cuz she likes the fire works, but Lordy it was hotter than a grease fire in hell."

3) "Drunker than a worm in tequila" Alt " drunkoeri dan one of dos wormsss in zz Tequilaas"
Use in Sentence "Yeah I took her home Lord knows she was drunker than a worm in tequila."

4)"Emptier than a cardboard box in the trash" Alt "Emptier than a bottle of Jack Daniels at a highschool prom"
Use in Sentence "I don't know why she ran around naked in the chuch singing 'Jesus loves me...' Lord knows her heads emptier than a bottle of Jack Daniels at a highschool prom."

5) And my favorite "Dirtier than a french whore on Bastille Day."
Use in Sentence
"She's a perfectly nice girl but bless her heart she's dirtier than a french whore on Bastille Day."

Well those are a few, I hope you enjoyed and feel free to add your own in the comments : )
Be kind rewind - Meg Boone